Holistic wellbeing coach Noni Boon shares eight valuable lessons about how to flourish in life, regardless of your age.
Everybody has qualities that are not so great. Why do these qualities take over without us ever really questioning them? The answer is: unconsciousness. The ego has a way of seducing, trapping, and sedating people into investing their energy into dramas, past hurts, and negative behaviour that sabotage their lives. If people remain unconscious, the ego continues inflating itself and powering up on negativity.
So how do you become conscious? How do you change these deeply embedded traits that appeal to such a powerful part of you? You look at them. Once you truly look at something and make a decision to change it, you are instantly accessing your higher self, the part of you that supersedes the ego and initiates consciousness. Let’s list the ego traits that are well worth becoming conscious of, and then eliminating.
1. Judging others
Judging other people strengthens a part of you that criticises you as well. There are times when people criticise themselves for not being enough, or for not matching up to those they compare themselves with. Most people are naturally hard on themselves, which makes them even harder on other people. Judging others only gives you more ammunition and greater precision for your next attack on yourself.
Mantra: By eliminating the critical self and resisting the urge to judge, I increase my compassion and kindness towards myself and others.
2. Comparing yourself
Comparing yourself to other people will never leave you feeling good. No matter where you look, you will find people who are better-looking, more talented, more successful, richer, smarter, funnier, and in better shape than you. People tend to compare upwards, which leaves them feeling less than, but comparing down and feeling more than is not desirable either, as this feeds into a superiority complex.
Mantra: By eliminating the comparing self, I increase my gratitude and expand my capacity for self-love.
3. The need to be right
People need to be right in order to inflate their ego and pacify their insecurities. Being right makes people more than. Being right makes people better than. Being right gives people a greater sense of their ego-self. The need to be right will lead you headlong into an argument or an unproductive power struggle. The need to be right makes people arrogant, aggressive, and unlikable.
Mantra: By eliminating the need to be right, I increase calmness and inner peace.
4. Living in the past
Living in the past robs people of the present moment and sabotages their future. If there is a part of you that is attached to a past experience, regret, or unfinished business, you cannot operate fully in your life. Living in the past is like hiring a movie that you absolutely hated and watching it over and over. It is a form of self-torture that depletes your energy and bruises your soul.
Mantra: By eliminating living in the past, I free myself up to engage fully in the present moment.
Worrying is like voluntarily putting yourself in a straightjacket and spinning yourself in hopeless circles. It leaves you paralysed in fear and dangerously close to becoming a victim. Worrying is the equivalent of sending out a negative prayer, asking God to assure you of a terrible result. Worrying neutralises your faith and weakens your belief system. Worrying is the reverse of a positive affirmation.
Mantra: By eliminating worry and choosing faith, I unburden myself from the need to control the outcome.
This is a form of giving up and giving in that repels success and guarantees failure. Laziness sabotages your life and assures that you won’t reach your potential. It stems from allowing and tolerating underachievement and letting yourself off the hook. Laziness does not hold you accountable.
Mantra: By eliminating laziness, I develop the fuel required to succeed in life and realise my biggest goals and dreams.
This comes from a lack of self esteem. Self-esteem is built and expanded through achieving and succeeding; the more you rely on and trust in yourself, the greater your self-esteem. Self-doubt undermines your independence and crushes your self-esteem. Self-doubt is a mantra that goes something like, “You can’t, you won’t, and who do you think you are?”
Mantra: By eliminating self-doubt, I allow my self-esteem to flourish and move toward reaching my highest potential.
8. Being self-centred
Self-centred people are guaranteed isolation and misery. You don’t have look far to read studies proving the increase in wellbeing that results from helping other people. Being self-centred makes people shallow, hollow, and narcissistic, robs them of the joy of giving to others, and diminishes their ability to connect and relate to fellow human beings.
Mantra: By eliminating self-centredness, I become other person-centred and ultimately help myself through helping others.